How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

How to Raise an Adult Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success A provocative manifesto that exposes the detrimental effects of helicopter parenting and puts forth an alternative philosophy for raising self sufficient young adultsAcross a decade as Stanford Univer

A provocative manifesto that exposes the detrimental effects of helicopter parenting and puts forth an alternative philosophy for raising self sufficient young adultsAcross a decade as Stanford University s Dean of Freshmen, Lythcott Haims noticed a startling rise in parental involvement in students lives Every year, parents were exerting control over students acadA provocative manifesto that exposes the detrimental effects of helicopter parenting and puts forth an alternative philosophy for raising self sufficient young adultsAcross a decade as Stanford University s Dean of Freshmen, Lythcott Haims noticed a startling rise in parental involvement in students lives Every year, parents were exerting control over students academic work, extracurriculars, and career choices, often taking matters into their own hands rather than risk their child s failure or disappointment Meanwhile, Lythcott Haims encountered increasing numbers of students who, as a result of hyper attentive parenting, lacked a strong sense of self and were poorly equipped to handle the demands of adult life Alarmed for the students, for their parents, and for society at large she decided to fight back, with this book.In How to Raise an Adult, she draws on research, conversations with educators and employers, and her own insights as a mother and student dean to highlight the ways in which over parenting harms children and their stressed out parents She identifies types of helicopter parents and, while empathizing with parents universal worries, offers practical alternative strategies that underline the importance of allowing children to make their own mistakes and develop the resilience, resourcefulness, and inner determination necessary for success.Relevant to parents of toddlers as well as of twentysomet

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How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success

About Author

  1. Julie Lythcott Haims served as Dean of Freshmen and Undergraduate Advising for over a decade at Stanford University, where she received the Dinkelspiel Award for her contributions to the undergraduate experience A mother of two teenagers, she has spoken and written widely on the phenomenon of helicopter parenting, and her work has appeared on TEDx talks and in Forbes and the Chicago Tribune She is pursuing an MFA in Creative Writing at California College of the Arts in San Francisco.


How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success Comment

  1. 4.0 Takes a while to get useful if you need convincing that overparenting is A Thing, you probably need a lot than this book , but has many concrete suggestions to better prepare your children for adulthood Many of these start at toddlerhood or early elementary school, so get started as soon as you have a child Started off with 4.5, but remembered how long it took to get out of the anecdotal whining at the beginning.Summary 1 Most of overparenting comes from fear of abduction, of falling behind [...]

  2. It is as if Julie Lythcott Haims was eves dropping on every teacher s room in America This overparenting epidemic has broken down a student s will to persevere and take ownership of his or her own work As a teacher for the last ten years, I have seen a steady increase in over involvement which has left me shaking my head and even seriously considering leaving the field I became an educator to help kids realize their dreams and become literate citizens so as to have their voices heard as truly e [...]

  3. I was comforted by the fact that, despite my neurosis, we don t make enough money to completely ruin our children Many of the examples were geared toward parents with virtually endless resources, but the book did give a complete look at what our job as parents is and is not The book also helped quell the idea that a successful life cannot be had outside of an Ivy League education Overall, a good read for parents who need a chill pill.

  4. I gave this two stars I think it may deserve , but that it was written for a different demographic than me The beginning and the end were over the top The author tells the reader not to worry so much about your kid getting into elite schools, there are lots of choices out there Then, throughout the book, she mentions Barnard, Rice and Carleton as some of the alternatives I can only imagine what parents who think of these schools as alternatives would think if their kid wants to go to cosmetology [...]

  5. This book annoyed me, and I would have stopped reading it except for being in a book group It is a book written by a former dean at Stanford who herself lives in Palo Alto, and the parenting guidance it gives is very affected by her experiences with upper upper middle parents and their smart kids who get into Stanford or who are trying to apply to top schools like Stanford She generalizes about other parents who do not fit into this elite group Based on her expertise, there probably is some good [...]

  6. This book helps me realize that the struggle to raise a responsible adult is not unique to any society It s happening all over the world Reading this book, I had that exhilarating feeling that many problems facing upper middle class families in the US can be found in Vietnam overprotecting parents, college pressure, competition and self effacement during parenthood However, the people she interviewed, the situations she described kept me thinking that I was reading about first world problems It [...]

  7. Don t overparent, allow mistakes, don t prioritize grades, relax about college There now you don t have to read it

  8. This was a timely read for me I ve been musing recently on how much less directly involved my grandparents were in my parent s day to day childhood and how intimately involved I m expected to be in my own children s lives, and what that means for kids as they grow up Is it related to prolonged adolescence in our culture, where 22 year old people are called college kids and all sorts of irresponsibility and stupidity among undergraduates is excused as being part of their growing up Consider two s [...]

  9. I thought this book had sound advice and was well written So why am I only giving it three stars Because most of what the author said was in the Well, duh category e.g don t write your kids college essays for them The book also had a lot of redundancy the main points could have been sufficiently described in a long article rather than in an entire book.I live in the same place and the same time as the author Silicon Valley in the mid 2010s , and I m also a parent of young children, so I m sure I [...]

  10. I picked up this book looking for validation of my parenting methods and I got it Earlier this year I read Overwhelmed because of my growing sense of unease with my life and how overwhelmed with the task of raising my children I was After reading that book I said I was subscribing to what I called retro parenting That is, I was going to raise my kids the way I was raised by my parents My parents loved me and helped me and supported me, but they largely left me to my own devices and I managed sch [...]

  11. My husband and I have five kids and we both work in education I wish there was a road map that we and other parents can follow to raise kids to become successful adults This book provides some unique insight into helping children to become successful Every parent should read this rich parents, poor parents, controlling parents, free range parents all of them I feel like we have become a generation of parents who want this bubble of protection around our kids yet we want them to grow up to be res [...]

  12. Fabulous book What meant the most to me in this book is that by putting yourself out of a job parenting you have done your job Embrace the child you have and don t shepherd them from milestone to milestone, filling out college apps FOR THEM, doing homework FOR THEM, forcing your idea of AP and Honors classes in high school on them The whole child sports industrial complex section was fabulous I could go on and on Over parenting causes so much harm I love the line that as parents our dream was to [...]

  13. This book is right on target I see this problem everywhere The problem is that this book could have been written in less than half the space Very repetitive and goes way to far in making each point I could not read it all but ended up scanning through it.

  14. no matter where you are in your parenting journey this is an excellent reminder about the dangers of modern motherhoodd fatherhood too doing is not necessarily better for our growing and developing adults.

  15. Really informative and eye opening book I recommend watching her TED talk if you are short on time though I ll admit that I loved reading all the stories about the crazy helicopter parents she s encountered as a student dean at Stanford Yowza.

  16. This book was so good I ended up buying it to I could really sit down and read it without feeling rushed, highlight and make notes and make my hubby read it too This book was SHOCKING and horrifying and really sad and gross in a lot places It s all about the kids growing up with helicopter parents who are growing into adults who have had no adversity, have no life skills and cannot do anything for themselves The stories that were told in this book were extreme, but they sure opened my eyes and m [...]

  17. This author has passion and first hand knowledge of the subject from her perches as a parent and office of admissions for Stanford She s not a good writer her style is like me trying to write a book rambling, repetitive, unorganized and at times difficult to follow as it continuously back tracks to points already made That said I didn t read it for the style and prose I read it for the content And the content far outweighed any stylistic challenges This book was so thought provoking I have never [...]

  18. Even if you don t think helicopter parenting is your problem it s definitely not mine , this book is of interest for its angle on selecting a college It s important to move beyond the brand name college mindset and the belief that only the graduates of elite colleges lead successful lives As the parent of a high schooler, I m glad I read this in time to gain some perspective on the college selection and admissions processes Interesting fact although admittedly anecdotal My husband graduated from [...]

  19. This book made me feel very thankful for the choices my parents made in raising me and my sister, even if many of those choices were born out of necessity as my dad was often fond of saying, we were poor, but we were happy Perhaps because of this rather modest upbringing, I was never held to some near impossible standard, and I wasn t expected to enter some holy grail of a particular college or vocation Instead, there was a trust placed in me from a young age, a willingness to allow me to figure [...]

  20. Author Lythcott Haines was a Dean at Stanford, then became totally frustrated with helicopter parents The students they raised were fragile, delicate flowers who could get A s, but couldn t function in the real world She advocates allowing your child to fail, for they will then learn new skills Kids need time to be bored, to go away from home, to do chores, and to try activities that won t further their resumes I particularly liked this list of all things an 18 year old must be able to 1 Talk to [...]

  21. Thank you Julie Lythcott Haims for lifting the burden of fear from parenting the fear of stranger danger, the fear of bad grades, the fear of not raising an olympic athlete, the fear of our child not getting into a good college Ms Lythcott Haims book uses facts and real life examples of how today s form of overparenting is truly hurting our children We need to let our children make decisions for themselves, to fall down and get hurt, to make mistakes and learn from them instead of constantly try [...]

  22. This book gave me some reassurance that I m doing it right And by that I mean that I m not so all up in my son s business that he can t do or think for himself But it also gave me a lot of insight into the kids I used to teach at the University of Michigan I suspect some of them were the kinds of kids whose parents did their homework for them Some of them were so unhappy and stressed out and obsessed with getting A s as opposed to, you know, learning It was sad, man Anyone who wants their kid to [...]

  23. I received an advanced reader s copy of this book through Giveaways thanks I enjoyed reading this book I had read and agreed with much of what I had read in other books the author surveys Senior s All Joy and No Fun and the Bringing up Bebe about the contrast between French and American parenting so I was predisposed to agree with this author s viewpoint However, given the context of her experience, one can only hope that she won t be preaching to the choir but will effectively reach a wider aud [...]

  24. 4.5 StarsA friend of mine and I use the term benign neglect to characterize our own childhoods It isn t a term we coined and it isn t always a negative critique, but it aptly describes the upbringing we got Did we not know that we probably had it pretty good We were that last generation of kids that were allowed freedom and self building autonomy than our children get today I suspect that many of GenX kids didn t know that when they became parents themselves, the pendulum would swing boldly in [...]

  25. This book is a must read for Gen X parents, who, if at all like me, are somewhat confused by how the baby boomers raised us Elite colleges are the goal, but why What does success really look like Who do we want our kids to be And who are we, as parents, anyway My favorite part of the book was her focus on the parent living a life of their own She nailed it Raising an adult means modeling an adult life Not a butler s, or a housekeeper s, or a personal assistant s Runner up warning parents not to [...]

  26. I ve got lots of thoughts on the book, which on the whole is helpful and thought provoking In particular, I found most helpful the areas on the importance of constantly shifting the cognitive and developmental load onto our kids rather than always doing things for them I tend to be a problem solver, so my default reaction is to solve a problem when my kids come to me with one I ve started shifting that load to the kids, and started concentrating on providing opportunities for our kids to start [...]

  27. recently, i attended a college classmate s class with my partner at my alma mater following a discussion on vulnerability, rejection and empathy, we had the pleasure of standing up at the end to share our path from UT to where we are now and take some questions my ambitious partner mentioned how he applied to many top elite schools, surprisingly getting rejected from all of them and that he scrambled to get into UT as a backup, which ended up being the best decision mostly since he met meha duri [...]

  28. This book has a lot to absorb and I agree with most of it, though it s difficult to do actually put into practice Will need to reread every 5 years Takeaways It s okay to have dreams for your kid but it s not okay to shape your kid s dreams By joining our children in their experiences we diminish the joy of their accomplishments letting go so kids can have authentic lives Teaching our kids coping skills and basic life skills so they can move responsibly, confidently through the world When we do [...]

  29. I don t see myself as a helicopter parent, but I have certainly hovered, helped, did for, fretted, problem solved, and overprotected than is wise I absolutely loved this book I really think it will impact how I parent How will my kids have the confidence that they can solve problems, face challenges, complete projects, and on their own if I m always hovering and helping them Many of this book s readers are not raising their children in the same environment as Lythcott Haims Palo Alto, CA and a [...]

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